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Archive for September, 2017

DRAW CLOSE TO ME

DRAW CLOSE TO ME

I could sense something was troubling my 11 year old son, over the course of a few days.
I kept asking if everything was ok and he kept assuring me, somewhat matter of fact-ly and with an undertone of irritation , that all was well.

After about a week, he came to me complaining of an upset stomach.
Being a nurse by profession, I ran a list of symptoms past him, to try and determine a possible diagnosis and resultantly the necessary treatment.
I sat next to him and then asked;” it sounds to me like you are anxious. What is worrying you, my boy. Tell mom. It does not matter what it is.”

After five minutes of building up his courage, he confessed that he has been unusually anxious for over a week,about everything.
When he hears a sound in the middle of the night, he wonders if it is an intruder. When he sees a swelling on his skin, he wonders if it is a spider bite.
He continued also telling me about many other fears and worries, eg that he does not understand why he is so angry and irritable with us, his parents, all the time.

I hugged him and reassured him and “shone some light and insight” into each fear and worry.
I informed him that what he was experiencing was a normal pre teen stage. He has one foot still in childhood and one foot heading towards adulthood and his brain and heart is still trying to balance the two transitions.
I ended off by reminding him again:” don’t wait so long next time to turn to us. When I ask you, because I know you better than you know yourself, what is wrong, take up the invitation and talk to me. It is not a sign of being “ a baby”. You don’t have to try and act all strong and mature when you are under our roof.The quicker you approach us and trusts us, the quicker we can shine light and truth and wisdom into your situation. We can come around you and guide you, protect you from incorrect thinking and also stand with you in prayer to cover you spiritually. But we cannot do this if you don’t come to us”

A few days later , I was replaying ( the way mothers do) the scenario in my head. I prayed to God to please give my husband and me wisdom to raise our boys in this day and age and to come along side us as we teach and guide our boys. I asked Him to please surround them with His spirit when we are not close to them.
I reminded God how bound I was by fear when I was pregnant and confessed that I don’t want my boys to live in the agony of fear, as I have had to.
It was at this point of my prayer that my last words to my son popped up loud and clear in my mind.
For a few seconds I was taken aback and unsure why God reminded me of this.
Then the truth dropped.
I heard Gods Spirit repeat :
“ my child, don’t wait so long to talk to Me and run to Me with your fears and worries. I know You better than you know yourself. I formed you.
The quicker you decide to trust Me, the quicker I can guide you and shine light and wisdom into your situation. The quicker you come to Me I can dispel all incorrect thoughts and lies with My Spirit of Truth. I will surround you with My love and draw you close to me.
It is not by your might or power, but by the power of My Spirit. I will show My self strong in Your weakness. Just draw close to Me”

God is the ultimate Father.
We are indeed His children.
And by His Spirit we can truly cry :” Abba!!”

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19 September, 2017 13:07

Fitting in the box

I read the other day:” some people won’t like you unless you fit into their box.
If this happens, feel free to shove the box up their nostril”

I smiled as I read this.
It was a timely message for me, as I have had a rather pressing season of being misunderstood in my intentions, being rejected, judged and just “not fitting in the box”

In the days to follow,I tried to remember this image in my minds eye whenever I felt the sting of rejection rearing its ugly head or the feeling of uselessness starting its suffocating emerge.
But true to being a child of God, I was soon tested on this very “new truth” I was clinging to.

I was late one morning as I was walking to work.
I had to up the pace of my steps.
My mind was full of the previous night’s fallout I had with my preteen son.
As I was rushing ahead over busy streets and noisy traffic, my mind was replaying the fall out- scene with my son, while simultaneously trying to problem solve.
I was about to cross an intersection.
I saw that the traffic light was red .
However, the moment I stepped off the curb, the traffic light turned green for the waiting traffic at the stop street. The car that was waiting, sped ahead ,at the same moment I stepped off the curb.
I realised my ignorant mistake as the light turned green, but I was already three steps ahead, so I paced up my step.
The cars ‘ bumper missed my thigh by millimetres!
The irate driver opened his window ,while pressing unnecessarily long on his hooter, and shouted incessant profanities over me.
It was morning peak hour. There were many many more motorists sitting in their cars being witness to what happened.
I was wrong.
I admit.
The driver had all right to be irritated.
But it was an honest, unintentional mistake.

My already burdened heart and tired soul from the previous nights’ fallout with my son, just felt like it wanted to crumble under the embarrassment in front of all the onlookers.
The profanity the irate motorist was shouting over me, was just crushing my spirit more.
I wanted to turn and say I am so sorry, but I was too embarrass and the tears just too close. I just put my head down and kept on walking.
My heart was bouncing up and down like a wild donkey from my narrow escape.

“ thank you Lord for protecting me from harm. I am truly sorry, but I wish this guy would not be so hard. If only he knew my heart, he would be less condemning now. I am sure he has made mistakes in his life as well. He is driving in his nice expensive car in his nice expensive clothes. If I had a car and my life was somewhat different, I would not be walking. If I was not feeling so much like a failing mom and wife, I would have been concentrating better.”

I can’t blame him, though.
He knows none of the internal battles raging in me.
As I was trying to filter and process my thoughts, God reminded me how often I have been in a reverse role, showing my irritation or cursing another driver or pedestrian under my breath, labelling them as an idiot or inconsiderate dumb head, when I was driving.
How often and quick we are to jump to conclusions and judge someone’s actions, when we have no clue whatsoever actually what is going on in that persons life or even what the true motives are behind their action.

Grant it.
There is indeed selfish and self entitled people out there that would cross the road or make a U-turn in front of you, because, THEY REALLY JUST DON’T CARE about the next person.
But is this indeed the case with every single person, irritating you?
When we do that, are we not also just labelling people as not fitting into “ our box” at that moment?

What is “our box” ?
Its our place of control, order, perfection. Our place where everything and everyone fits where it must, do what it must and deliver what is expected as per OUR plans and OUR schedules.
“ our box” is symbolic of our preconceived expectations.
If our expectations are not met, well then that person has stepped out of the line, or stepped out of our box.

The result? We don’t like them at that moment.

And that would be ok, if that is where it stayed.
But it does not, does it?
We now go ahead and “make up our mind” or judge that person as lazy, inconsiderate, stupid, selfish, ungrateful and so forth.
Its ok to get irritated with people.
We are human.
But I guess its what we do with that irritation or unmet expectation.

As I walked into my work station that morning, feeling quite bruised and broken from being shoved into too may peoples “ boxes”, I asked God to help me to not do the same to those around me.
I will need His help , for we all fall easily into this habit.

We do it even with God.
We know the God “ who is”.
But we try to fit Him into our box of” the God WE want”

“Help me Lord.
It is easy to find the dirt in anyone.
Help me Lord to find the gold in people.
Rescue me when I am “ boxed in” by others…..”

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