Pack your torch and salt shaker
I plonk myselve down in the car after my third twelve hour shift.
My feet is aching so bad I just cant give another step forward.
My mind is overloaded with responsibilities that has been piled up at an immense rate:
…….Answer that phone call of the irrate public member that has a million questions that he wanted answerd last week already.
Attend to the panicky mother who’s 18 month old has a high fever and she feels her situation is more of an emergency than the 45 yr old male,whose chest we have been compressing and whom we have been giving artificial ventilation after collapsing from a heart attack.
Try and pacify that patient with a swollen big toe who feels the service he has received is of the lowest standard.
Set up for the procedure, the impatient surgeon, that just walked in, wants to do, and do make sure to hurry because he has already got a patient being prepared on the operation table that he still needs to go back to.
Remember to check up on the intavenous medication you have given to four other patients and to check blood results and xray reports.
O yes!! I must still inform the doctor on duty, that Mrs X’s results was very unfavorable and that Mr B’s bloodpressure is dangerously low.
I still need to book admission beds for four other patients and take up two patients to the ward.
I must not forget to sign my schedule drugs and still charge my stock I used on the other three patients…………………….but oh!! That will have to wait now, because someone just walked through the front door with blood pouring out his nostrils and as I approach him, the emergency bell is screeching endlessly in the background as someone with another emergency, no doubt, has just arrived at our ambulance doors!!
My head wants to explode form information overload, my nerves cant handle another need to be attended to and my feet and back feels like they belong to another body.
My bladder is stilll bursting full from not having had an opportunity to visit the bathroom, my stomach ulcer is niggling in a faint warning from having missed lunch .My mouth is so dry I can swallow my own tongue and mistake it for biltong!
And I cant remember if I washed my hands before leaving work…..
Yet, there is a thought that has found a space inbetween all of this overload and a ache that does not belong to my feet or back.
The thought bouncing around inbetween whatever space is left in my mind is : why cant I get this right?
The ache is one of disappointment and dispair.
You see, just this morning as I walked down the passage on my way to work, I prayed, that God will protect me from injuries and contracting infections.
That He will protect my loved ones that was seated in my car as they drove off after dropping me at work.
More importantly, I asked Him to help me be light and salt at my work and to minister His love to someone today. To put a guard over my mouth and help the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart to be acceptable to Him.
That my words will be like a fountain of live giving water to those around me and not an open grave that sow destruction.
Yet,I was not five minutes at work or I stepped right into the old garments that was supposed to be renewed, the day I accepted Him as my King.
As I stepped into my environment of 90% non believers, the negativity folded over me like a suffocating blanket.
My eardrums get bombarded with grumbling and dishonest replies.
Every second word that enteres my ears and mind is dressed and delivered in colorfull profane language and decorated with gossip, anger,bitterness and selfpity from those around me.
Before I know it,I am replying to a scandall story being relayed to me.
I find a swear word slip out under my breath, not once but many times during the day as the pressure to deliver builds,squeezing me until I feel like there is no way out.
I voice my irritation to my colleuge regarding the inconsiderate doctor and I tell her exactly what I wish would happen to him…………..
The weight of the words: the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak settles like a huge rock inside of me, dragging me down into the emotional water of failure.
I have not been a light in the darkness today and the only salt I succeeded to deliver was the type that that gets rubbed into open wounds and spat out because its unpleasant.
I ponder all of this in my heart quietly, embarrest to share any of it with my husband.
I have to work on this. I have to get this right. I need to be my husbands’ helper one day when he steps into his ministry position when his studies are done. But above all, I need to try and be Holy, as God is Holy.
As I quietly sit and eat at the table, my husband, unaware of my inner turmoil, share with me a revelation he had while doing his casestudy.
Its on the passage in Haggai 2:10-17
this is what the Lord said to the prophet Haggai: ask the priests what the law says: If a person carries consecrated meat in the fold of his garment and that fold touches bread or stew,, whine ,oil or other food,does it become consecrated?
The priests answered: no
If the person defiled by touching a dead person, touches one of these things, does it become defiled?
yes the priests answered, it does become defiled.
i realise now, my husnabd says, that when you take a clean object and rub it against a dirty object, the cleansiness of the clean object does not rub off onto the unclean object. No. Rather the dirt of the unclean object rubs off onto the clean object.
At that moment, my husbands words( which is really God’s word) shines into my darkness, revealing where the chains are padlocked into position, and I greatfully allow the sword of The Spirit to cut me loose!!
No amount of getting myselve prayed up, Bible-reading-upped and spending -time- in- His-cleansing-forgiving-presence-upped will ever rubb off onto my godless unclean invironment.
Cleansiness is not something that gets rubbed off.
It cannot rub off.
But it does get defiled.
Very easily and effortlessly so!
My battle here is rather to try and maintain it.
But how then, am I suppose to be a light in the darkness and salt to those around me?
If I cannot rub it off, how am I suppose to live this out then?
I go to bed feeling that God at least understands my struggle to keep clean, but still waiting for Him to tell me how then to be a light and how to be salt.
Like clockwork God waits for me to first get in a few hours of good sleep before He wakes me up and talk to me in the early morning hours.
I hear Him say:
The fuction of light is to enlighten, to guide ,to attrack.
Just like a moth, light attracks.
Light is enjoyed and valued when it is seen.
You cannot switch the light on inside others.
Your way of life can only attact them.
Salt can only be appreciated by tasting it.
You can only add it.
Add too much and they will spit you out.
If you try and rub it in, it will only cause more irritation and discomfort to their wounded souls.
Dont try and rub off your light and salt.
Concentrate rather to maintain your light and salt.
Your job is to just be
BE light and BE salt.
You do this by walking away where you can before they rub off and when they curse,whether its in actual swearwords or negativity, bless them. Counteract it by blessing them in your mind.
Consentrate on getting that right and everythiing else will follow.
Eventually your light will ATTRACT them and your saltiness will cause them to taste and see that I, God ,am good and crave more and come look for more.
And when your cleansiness do get defiled due to close contact, come to Me.
For this reason My Son died, so you can be washed clean as often as needed.
Dont condemn yourselve.
I expect you to fall.
It does not come as a suprise to me, but only to you.
What I do expect, is for you to fall less and less, but fall you will still do until the day I call You home.
So go and BE.
BE light, BE salt.
Realise that you have no power to prevent them from rubbing off on you.
So where you can avoid that contact.
Other wise get up from the ground,dust yourselve off , relight your candle and JUST BE.
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